Saturday, February 14, 2009


This past week we took Willa to her first orthopedic appointment. My Costello tarot cards have been functioning quite well lately and so I saw scoliosis in our future and was predictably serene when the doctor informed us that Willa does, indeed, have it.

However, I was not prepared to hear that the ball of her left hip was not in the socket, apparently never has been, and she will need to be in a brace for the next six weeks. If that doesn’t work, full body cast, if that doesn’t work, surgery.

Now, this is not a life-threatening situation by any stretch. It’s not ideal obviously, not good even, but most likely we will be able to fix this problem and prevent other much more severe issues from developing. It was good we found it when we did.

As I was trying to cram Biscuits into her infant seat which did not accommodate the new “extras”, with her pleading and disquieted eyes, in a busy parking lot, with her stroller starting to plot its big escape down an incline, I paused to think… I was upset. Actually, pretty significantly upset.

Why? I know all about Costello surprises. I know that they will come, frequently, and with great force. I know my cards are more some kind of ancient riddle, churning out only so much information and barely hinting at the other realities that lay in store. I know that she’s going to be ok with this, that her doctor will be able to help, that it’s six weeks, that it’s going to pass.

But I wasn’t ready. And here I am confronted with a vision of my future, I never will be.

So what now? I think I shall have to toss my cards in the air and watch them come down like feathers, and blow away. I cannot rely on them anyway. They assist in nothing. All my research, my questions, my reading up, my preparation will at many points in this life come to naught. There will be surprises I had not forseen. But this is where I remember the joy of having a child like Willa. Life is like this, for everyone, at all times. I just get more reminders.

And so I look at my girl in this brace and see her future healing. We are all healing…


Cate said...

"Life is like this, for everyone, at all times. I just get more reminders."

This is so incredibly well said. I kind of want it for a tattoo or something.

Jennifer said...

you are the most wonderful and inspiring writer, you have no idea what a relief it is for me to read your words and to know that somewhere, somebody, knows how I feel. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog. I will echo what others say, you are a wonderful and inspiring writer. I also just wanted to say that your daughter is adorable!